Corporate identity.

 Uhm. I am only disclosing this here because I trust you. Well, yes. Anonymity is an interesting thing. I can trust you to both not give a damn and care entirely too much. Also  no one really reads this damn thing- except X-E- heads who by way of Matt understand and embrace the concept of the Corporation sucking the joy and life out of our souls on a daily basis.

 Yeah. Uhm… so.

 At my job, our marketing company is informing me that we should have an online presence in social circles. It will help us to drum up interest in our site, and will help us open ourselves up to other avenues of communication and advertising.

 So, at the request of my marketing company, I have made myself a corporate identity at one of those nifty social networking sites.

 I won’t tell you where, or what my name is.

 Why?

 It’s my corporate identity. As noted by one of my also-internet-savvy co-workers, having a corporate identity is a safe way to keep your personal info separate from your work info. Too many times people- famous people, influential people- have neglected to keep their personal lives separate from their business identities and have paid severely for it.

 I’m not influential, or famous. But my personal interests can possibly conflict with the customer base we as a company are striving to secure and maintain. Our customer base could be corrupted by my liberal views, my taste for metal music, and my best friend considered a loaded weapon to the ignorant.

 So, by that token, I am also going to remove any instance of my mentioning my company here on my little writey-doodah. I can’t have any links of any instance between the Corporate me and the Personal me. One interesting web search by a stranger could open me up completely- and that could get me in hot water I’m not prepared to go swimming in.

 This probably sounds paranoid. And probably is. But as my favorite saying goes, “better to be safe than sorry.” In my MySpace post- I’ve had weird shit happen before. And being this public- I need to take precautions.

 I’m sure you understand.

Ten Years from Now- the Epilogue.

I had the fortunate chance to connect with someone from my past through this blog.

You guys kind of know my stance on connecting with people from the past.

but I have to remember (and I say this becuase I ALWAYS FORGET…) that some people are worth saying “Hey, it’s YOU!  How the hell have YOU been?” 

There are some of my old, formerly very-close friends I’d like to say that to, but alas… they have not turned up just yet.

Connecting with this person made me think about the person I was when I knew them ten years ago. I thought about who I was, what I was like. And How much I have- and haven’t – changed. I thought of that thing that employers and other people in positions of authority ask you when they are picking your brain-

“Where do you See Yourself, Ten Years from Now?”

And I have to say, where I saw myself Ten Years ago “Ten Year from Now…” is totally NOT where I expected to be. Not that it’s a bad thing- I hated those things becuase I know that people and priorities change and trying to predict where you will be can be a huge letdown- or completely cage you in. But It’s definitely interesting. Shall we peruse?

Ten Years Ago…

I would be Drawing for a Living.  I’m definitely doing Art for a living, but not the art I expected to be doing. I’m doing corporate product work and working in Photoshop most of the time. I rarely pick up a pencil. Which- when I think about it- kills me. But that’s life. I am fulfilled in other ways. Writing here is one of those fulfillments.

I would be married, have a few kids, and a menagerie of beasties. None of these have really come to fruition. I have Rudy, but we aren’t married. I don’t have kids- don’t even know when THAT’S gonna happen. And Menagerie? Well, I have two cats and a dog, and once I had a fish… but I was expecting a whole PACK OF DOGS, and maybe some bunnies- or chickens. I just expected more animals, but the people I’m residing with have already expressed displeasure in every animal currently here so expanding isn’t an option.

My friends and I, we’d go out and do things together- go drinking and hit parties- ”girl’s night out” shit.  All of the friends I had at that time? None are around. Something like that makes you wonder where the hell you fucked up. Was I that terrible of a person where I can’t be bothered to be reached for a birthday greeting? Or Maybe it’s my fault- cause I didn’t do it either. Either way- I don’t go out and do ‘girl’s nite out’ crap. I don’t know any girls anymore that don’t fucking grate on my nerves.

I’d still be in the Bay Area.  This may be a weird one to many of you, but not for me. I grew up on the shores of the San Francisco Bay, As did my mother- and her mother… and being away from it seems to give me this dull ache sometimes. I yearn to see the ocean sometimes, and when I do- I can’t stop staring at it. Being Landlocked is weird, and I don’t like it much. I’m just glad I don’t live on flatland… THAT would drive me insane. I know at some time I’ll get back to seeing the Pacific on a regular basis-Rudy and I have discussed moving to Santa Cruz sometime in the future. But I don’t know when.

This whole “Life”Thing would make sense.  I’m beginning to think it never does. I think God likes to throw a monkey wrench into the best-laid plans just to see how we pick up the pieces. And just when stuff starts to make sense, when I think I’ve got my ducks in a row… duck! Another holy monkeywrench. I’m starting to get used to it. Shit’s never gonna make sense. So why should I? Spontaneity is the spice of life, and gawtdammet, I’m gonna throw some horseradish up in this roast beef sammich I call life.

If you all feel so inclined, let me know in the comments somethign you thought would ring totally true 10 years ago and what happened to your best-laid plans. Let me know I’m not the only hopeless froot-loop in the cereal bowl…

wow-look at all the food analogies. I must be hungry.

6 things.

From The Pilver Here are the rules: 1) Link back to the person who tagged you. 2) Post the rules on your blog. 3) Write six things about yourself. 4) Tag six people at the end of your post by posting links to their blog sites. 5) Let them know they’ve been tagged by leaving a comment on their site. 6) And let your tagger know when your entry is up.

——

1. I saw Iron Man this weekend. And I never really liked Robert Downey Jr. before-he’s gott a goofy looking face and then with all of his…issues… meh. Passable. But this Tony Stark guy is a badass. I think it’s the facial hair- or that asshole confidence. I’d love to be his Pepper Potts. Except… I’ll wear a lot of black and rock Iron Maiden.

2. I adore my dog. Cash is my little boy. I always want to express how much I adore him, how I wish I could take him everywhere. For right now, this little Pit Bull is the closest I am to having a child- and I wish people could see that. Cash is the Light of my Life. My life revolves around him and his happiness. I would do anything for him, given the resources. But right now, I am giving him the best life I can. I’m not happy with it. But its the best I can do right now, and I hope he knows that.

3. I don’t know if I ever told any of all y’all… but I have an amazing mental catalogue of wine,  beer and spirits in my head. I spent over 2 years employed at BevMo, which is a mid-range liquor store based in California, that prides itself on the knowledge of its employees. I was a head clerk- think shift leader- and would spend quite a bit of my working time reading, learning and mentally cataloguing information about a variety of wine and spirits. They also sent me to classes and wine tastings to learn about the products I was selling. Talk about an education! 

4. Did anyone here know that I can draw? I try and cover it up- in my real life I’m chased to draw tattoos and logos and all that stuff for people who have no interest in paying me. I’ve been approached to draw flash AND learn how to handle a tattoo gun on more than one occasion, but have yet to actually attempt either offer. Has a lot to do with the fellow offering is my BF’s pal and Rudy knows the ups and downs of mixing business and personal relationships- and discourages it.

5. I need to write up another Metal entry. I haven’t thought about it in a while since I’ve been pretty busy at work, but I’ve been trying to decide who. Motorhead REALLY deserves one, but I just wore them out last month on the CD Player so I should wait until the Taste cycles again. I’ve also been listening to Psychobilly stuff as of late and think a Nekromantix write up could be more than appropriate. I’m sure one will come up soon, but of who? Yo No Se.

6. I am bad at Numbers. Seriously. Like… I switch and reverse and mash numbers together. And fucking FORGET math. I am SO glad we can check our bank accounts online and some machine adds for me- cause I couldn’t do it. I mean- Math is the reason I went to art school. I wanted to be an astronaut. I wanted to be an archaeologist. I wanted to be a Coroner, before wanting to be a Coroner was cool. And why didn’t I do that? Cause all that shit required math. You’re lookin’ at the girl who took 3 years to pass ALGEBRA, and only passed with the help of a meathead jock who would turn around after every lesson and say “Okay. What DID you understand?”

By the way, I keep scrolling up to that Tony Stark picture and sighing.

Okay. so now I gotta tag 6 folks. Do I know Six folks?

Guise,  Kris,  Suspic,  Bill-Will,  Doho,  and cause my list is so dude-heavy… Mystie, if she’s not too busy.

 

I want to share.

I had a great discussion last wednesday with a fellow waitress and a regular patron at the pub. It was funny then, it’s even FUNNIER when I told it while intoxicated with other intoxicated people, and feel the need to share it with you all today- I hope you’re intoxicated, but if not- I’m sure there’s a bottle of Cuervo that’s neglected and covered with dust in the back of your liquor cabinet.
Dood.
Do people still HAVE liquor cabinets? I imagine they do.
Well… I know my PARENTS don’t have one becuase they don’t really drink.
So… uhm, wherever you keep your booze, have a sip and think of me.
But hit that swill in moderation.
Or Not.
you don’t HAVE to be drunk.
But it helps.

Anyway.

I was working at the pub.
It was slow. So I was rolling Silverware, and Jordan (who is a gal) was rolling as well.
One of our regulars, Jon, was at the bar, sinking bottles of Bud and perusing through the Metro- a local free mag that’s known for “odd” advertisements… such as egg donation, call girls and porno shops.
Jordan notices him flipping through the Metro and says, “Find any good hookers in there, Jon?”
He says matter-of-factly, ” Not yet, I’m just looking at the bars right now, But I’ll get there.”
It’s quiet for a few moments…
Which means I start thinking.
I turn to Jon and say “Isn’t “Good Hooker” an oxymoron?”
Jordan giggles and nods.
Jon looks up from the Metro. “Not really. if a Hooker is good at what she does, then she’s a GOOD hooker.”
I agree. “You’re right, that’s not debatable, in THAT context- as in good vs. terrible.”
I pause to compose the next bit.
“But in terms of good vs. evil… You can’t have…. say, a Good Christian Hooker.”

And I hear myself, and kick myself.
Here it is, in LENT, a few days away is the holiest of all days and here I am, using the name of the LORD to describe a woman who doles out poon for cash.
Jordan turns anway and starts sniggling, and Jon’s jaw drops, and starts guffawing.
I even say it a few times, just becuase it sounds SO ridiculous.

I even relayed that story to family on Friday night while we were smoking out on the porch and I start nerd-laughing… Like, I can’t draw in enough air to breathe while I laugh so it sounds like that Lewis Skolnick guy from “Revenge of the Nerds”.  They all told me I was going to Hell. I told them that they were too becuase they were laughing!

 and well, that’s that. I’ve told what I wanted to tell.

Phsaynana!

death warmed over…

I feel… uhm. Like the title says. Everything aches. EV-ER-EE-THING. My left knee is throbbing in a way it hasn’t in years. My head is like… is it possible to feel as heavy as a rock and full of helium? Cause that’s how it feels. And I won’t say that I have muscles that I didn’t know I had ache, ’cause I took Anatomy and have a good grasp of the human body. But I didn’t know that my body could ache ALL OVER, ALL AT ONCE.

 And it’s not just ’cause of St. Patricks- a full 8 hr shift of waiting on folks in one of the busiest days of the year. It’s a big factor, but not the defining factor. It’s a mad combination of a little less sleep in order to wake up earlier,  healthy abuse and proper regimens that are all adding up in one big spectacular corporeal car-crash that is my ailing, unhealthy self.

I started jogging, for one. It was kind of for me, but for Cash too. I know I’m never going to have the svelte size-5 figure I had in high school. But I don’t want to succumb to my genes and be like my mum- never shake 4 babies’ worth of baby weight and have to have knee replacement surgery before I retire - though my knee is beginning to look that way anyway, but whatever.

And well, Cash is a big boy and needs exercise in order to be a good, happy dog. The two 1-mile walks a day combined with daily fetching and play sessions were just not getting all that extra energy out and he was becoming destructive and disobedient. So, now that the weather has gotten nicer, we have taken to the idea of hiking and Cash (and us!) enjoy it. And the 1-mile run in the morning combined with a 1-mile walk in the afternoon integrated with training sessions ( he just learned to rollover!) are making Cash a calm, well-adjusted dog. I love it. And it makes me feel good.

I want to jog more, but right now, I’ve only been jogging 1 mile a day at least 4 days a week. It’s not much, but I don’t feel physically able to push myself too far right now. I eat healthy, but don’t physically FEEL healthy. I sit in front of a computer for a living so I need to begin some kind of lifestyle change and I learned from my past experiences that throwing myself into a full-on involved regimen makes me HATE it, which makes it simply useless. Slow and Steady. Not hard, no threats.

 So- all of that, combined with coming off that Cold that knocked me on my ass after that dastardly Vegas trip, combined with Moving around our living room this weekend has just knocked me down and out. Not so much that I can’t work, but good GOD- now I know how a zombe lives. Or… whatever.

By the way- Will-Billy…

It depends on whether people knew if they could FLY before they lost the ability to do so. If people knew they could fly before and can’t now, they’d be Wingless Flies. If they NEVER FLEW, then Evolution would have seen fit to give them a different exoskeleton, and therefore the name of FLY would have never existed for them. They’d be a freaky-ass beetle or something.

yeah. I was really quite pondering that this morning.

what to say?

well, I know I should write something.

But I’m not sure what.  

Part of me wants to write about roadkill- I happened across quite a bit this morning, fortunately none of which were my making.

Another part of me wants to talk about my new year’s adventure. Part of me DOESN’T want to write about new year’s- I’m actually still kind of recovering.

Part of me wants to write about Iron Maiden. Which I’ll probably wind up doing, but not yet.

Oh! I think I just thought about what I want to write about.

But now that this post has gone on its wonderful parade of confusion- should I continue with the madness, or cut it right here and start a new blog post?

I guess that’s the fun thing about blogs, you know you want-sometimes NEED -to write… but when all comes down to the work -you get all kinked and can’t form anything except pretty sentences with big words that don’t make a lick of sense.

But you know, that’s actually how my brain works, so what am I supposed to do about it?

Maybe drugs.

I mean, not like… DRUGS, but like… medication.

I used to take medication. Zoloft. About a year and a half ago- for about 4 months. I was born with a stick up my ass- I’ve always been very high strung and nervous- maybe paranoid even. Definitely anxious. It wasn’t necessarily my choice to take the Zoloft- I did it to keep my job.

I had a boss that told me I always looked so miserable and that she thought I wasn’t happy in my job. Okay, for starters, I’m a METALHEAD. I’m a different kind of happy- the kind of happy that likes blood and fire and rough sex and perhaps a good bottle of red wine. And let’s be honest, is ANYONE EVER HAPPY when they work retail? She said- in no uncertain terms, to cheer up or get demoted. 

So- fuck.

I can’t LOSE MY JOB, and maybe I do need to cheer up. So I went to my doctor, who gave me anti-anxiety meds. Cause I’m a high-strung worrywart. I imagine I do probably think too hard about the most trivial of things, but that was the way I was up until then and I seemed to function okay. Weirdly and off center, but OKAY.

I found that they kind of worked. I was happy, cheerful and more open to friendships, people and situations. However, taking the drugs led to the Red Incident, which is something that will only be hinted at here and never discussed. I pretend it never happened.

So… after deciding that while the drugs made me a more acceptable person to society, i didn’t like the person I became. I weaned myself off of the drug- slowly- and took the demotion. About six months later i was fired.

Which was all fine and dandy with me- if they hadn’t had fired me, i may have wound up like my mother and worked retail for the rest of my natural life.

So- I came to the conclusion that YES, drugs can help people. People that need help. I didn’t need help, and took the drugs for the wrong reasons- and it ultimately fucked me over.

I can think of someone that NEEDS medication, but refuses to even look into it. He’s convinced that the manic-depressive disorder he has is his PERSONALITY and he says that if people can’t handle it, then fuck them. But it makes him a difficult person to be around- to the point that he can’t really function properly. I fear he’s gonna have to snap in order for him to realize that something is wrong- and that snapping for him MAY mean killing something.

yeah. woohoo.

 By the way, I’m happy with this post. I feel like having a heavy drink now, but at least that’s out. The next post will assuredly be less of a bummer.

Promise.

blegh.

I would like to apolgize for not posting, but as I said some time back, that’s not something I should do.

I have a life and priorities, and this blog is pretty low on that list. Not to say I don’t think of it, or think of great posts while I’m not here- I do… it’s that getting here to do it is quite the difficult predicament.

There has been many factors as to why I haven’t had the chance to post.

I’ve gotten some nasty flu bug from my friend’s kid- the “sore-throat-headache- i’m gonna projectile vomit my lunch” feeling. Not nice. I’m sleeping so much and been so beat these past few weeks- I’m getting the faint inkling my yucky-feeling-ness is more than just flu bugs and poor sleep…

Also helped Rudy’s bro move- the 3rd floor of an aprtment building with no elevator.  whee. It’s wiped me out- i’m so out of shape- not to mention that sleeping on the floor can in no way actually be called SLEEPING. I don’t care if I gained an extra hour- if you wake up more sore than when you fell alseep, that’s NOT REST. period.

 I have also had to try and pump out this job for work- yes, it’s still not done… but it should be by the end of this week, if I can keep my head up. I’m so sick of it. it’s been my life for the past six months and I just dread and hate it. Early on it was fun, but it just gets so repetive and tedious… grr.

Not to mention, Halloween, Dia de los Muertos… lots of topics, lots of pictures, no chance to do it. I’ll be leaving work early cause I feel like crap, to work at home where I won’t get the office sick- i’ll try and at least get an entry up about my Halloween. Some folks have read about it at other sites, but not seen any images, like I plan here.

wow. I feel poopy.

I think I’m gonna go hurl. gawtdam lunch meat.

for-mating..

hahaha. formatting. for-mating.

i so funy.

 anyway.

my layout was wigging out- for some reason my widgets were lining up with the bottom- so i said “pupu” to daht shit and got this one. right now it’s boring, but I’m gonna make an illustration that goes with the “open mouth – insert foot” theme, something along the lines of a cannibal-corpse like detail of a deadite munchin’ on someone’s tootsies. yum.

roast beef.

haaa.

Oh! that reminds me. Metalocalypse is coming out with the new season at the end of the month! I am so ridiculously amped. That show is…. teh awesome. I lubs it. I gotta make one of them tests for “which Dethklok Member are you?” Cause I’d totally be Pickles. Rudy’s sure he’d be Murderface- though he does the toki voice really well. I fancy myself a good Nathan Explosion-er myself… if we got Billy in the mix we could do the whole band. One of these days, probably sooner than later, we’re all gonna get massively tore back and just make a mess of ourselves and it’ll be like Dethklok is hanging out with us in the garage.

Been kinda busy lately- with my new position at workI don’t have much time for blogging, note also the “no computer time” at home post some time back. Taking Cash places, spending a bit more money than we should and enjoying the last swatches of summer before fall forces me to throw on my peacoat.

Also been dealing with the fire- it should be contained by now. or close. Check it. Lick Fire… Henry W. Coe state park.  GOOGLE IT. I’m too lazy to post links. It’s just a couple of ridges away from where I work. You know shit’s up when the sun makes everything look like it’s covered in a fine cheetos dust. There’s ash on the truck and everything smells like a backwoods barbecue before you thrown on the meat.

 Oh- I was gonna post about when we went to go see the choptops in San Jose, but i have some things to talk about THAT, so I’m saving it for another post. I also wanna continue with the Music bits, I have a band chosen… but am waiting for a few good posts before I do it again.

oohgod, trigger just smells like he shat himself. He’s asleep, so I can forgive him for it, but GOD, dog. That smells radioactive.

Ohh, and before I forget. The black cat will be cricket.

return.

it’s been a week since I last posted.

things happened, you know.

and- BulletStyleUpdate!- Go!

 * obviously my Cat wicket died. I posted that wednesday morning. I struggled through both jobs that day, being sent home early from the pub becuase I was told I looked distracted- which I responded to by crying. Real mature.

*Thursday I was a bit better. I had a project due on monday so I was battening down the hatches fo sho. We buried my cat that day and went shopping for kitten food and discussed what we should do. We have decided we are going to get another cat, but we are not sure when. Probably in 8 weeks or so. ( see monday…  )

* Friday was a regular day at work, though still the insanity of the getting the project done. We went to dinner at my compadre’s house. I took an oreo pie that was a TOTAL hit. People got drunk, except for me- the wear of the week hit me good and I fell asleep at about midnight. We finally went home at about 2 am.

* Saturday was mostly spent out of the house. We repaired our dented rim and got new tires all round, then went to the Raiders game. My First Raiders Game. My first FOoTBALL game. Cause highschool doesn’t count. They won. *dances*

* Sunday we went to Abuelita’s ranch,  where we had gorditas and taquitos and drank and talked, Cash in tow. He really liked riding on the golf cart. So much he pushed one of the kids off to ride. Silly dog. I then went home and worked like a fiend for 5 hours on that Bedding project. Killed it. fuckin’sweeeeeeet.

*Monday, started the same ol’, same ol’. Till I got to work and saw Stinky in the closet near my station. WITH KITTENS. She dropped her litter on monday. One looks like racecar, one’s a tabby with a blended white mask, and one’s black with a spot on his chest. I’m guessing I’ll have the pickof the litter… but I need to get to know them before I decide who- probably not the tuxedo fellow- looks too much like racecar.

 And that’s that, so far. Sorry for not being controversial or deep. I’m kind of work out due to this bedding project. Maybe later. Tomorrow. Or not. Dunno.

Keeps ya in suspense and shit.

the wiley Work zoo.

I’m pretty lucky about my work- it’s an entertaining place. A gun dog named Trigger has the run of the place, and his son Toby is a nut. Stinky the cat has her two kittens; Toulouse and Ally, and Stinky’s Gizmo is now My Racecar. My boss’ daughters are active in 4H and FFA , so they regularly have all sorts of livestock- right now there’s a pig and a goat in the backyard ready for County at the end of this week. It’s cool- like when I worked at a petting zoo, only I don’t come home smelling like Horse Apples.

When your focus is like mine, you cater to a specific type of people.  The owners of this online retail store are such people.  So… I’m surrounded by a variety of things that I normally wouldn’t be surrounded by, but have piqued my interest. Which is cool! I love it. Some might not. It did take some getting used to.

I mean, ever since childhood, you know that Blood ANYWHERE is a bad thing. So when you come int to work, pass through the garage and find coagulating blood on the floor, you instictively raise an eyebrow and fear for your safety. But one of the best stories we have so far (while Stinky the Cat bringing in a quail through the open window into the office is a GOOD ONE, it pales in comparison) involves Matt, the shipping manager -and the only dood on the crew- and a skunk. And not like you’d imagine.

We were all toiling away in the office. We have a beautiful scenic view of the driveway and the gully from our spot. Paula glances up and goes “Ooh- a skunk.” We all go WHAT?! And look out the window. And sure enough- it’s a skunk. and Stinky the cat is getting perilously close. Being one of the more tomboyish girls on the crew, I leap up out of my seat and dart outside, hoping the slamming door would scar him off. No such luck. I start shouting “Git! Git! “and throwing rocks at it. Now, being a city girl, I assume a skunk’s range is only about 10 feet so I stay away. And even from only 15 feet, I can’t peg him wit ONE rock… I can’t throw to save my goddamn life.

At this point Matt comes out of the garage. “What’s up?”

“skunk.” I point. The skunk is lapping up still water from a busted sprinkler.

He stands a second, watching it. “That’s not right. Skunks aren’t daylight creatures.” he says. He walks back inside.

I try and think about what he means.

I hear Matt walk back out but don’t look up. I watch the skunk start to saunter down the driveway.

“It’s just the warm weather. We ARE in a drought. He was just thirsty.” I say, making a defense for the skunk.

“Not Anymore.” Matt Says.

I look up, to see Matt drawing a bead on the skunk with a shotgun.

I quickly turn away. While I like TV, Movie and Cartoon Violence,  I don’t want to see this particular execution.

The crack of the shot echoes across the gully and we can hear it reverberating off the hills. I look up to see what happened. I see a flopping skunk near the end of the drive. Oh gods, he didn’t kill it. Not wanting to know the rest- even though I know the rest- I try to get back in the house before he lets off the second shot. I don’t.

I hear a shriek inside the house and go inside to the kitchen. Lynne, the girliest girl on the crew- her eyes are wide as saucers. “I SAW HIM SHOOT IT! I SAW IT BOUNCE!” She shrieked. “AND THEN I SAW HIM SHOOT IT AGAIN!”

The rest of the day Matt made it a point to explain in detail his process of shooting and disposing of the skunk JUST FOR LYNNE.

I lubs dis place. Maybe I’ll have more dead animal stories when Duck Season Comes. Matt loves shooting ducks.

 

* 06-11-09: variety of information  and details of workplace are removed*